I wanted to share my thoughts from the past few days.
It has been the toughest few days since Friday, consisting off pain, guilt, upset, worry and fatigue. I consider myself to be a pretty stoic type of gal but this has certainly tested me.
I haven’t slept for more than a couple of hours each night and the hours from between 7pm and 2am are the most exhausting, I find it almost impossible to find a comfy position, I’m sitting up, rocking back and forth or turn from one side to the other (which is not easy!). The pain down my right lower back, buttock and thigh can be unbearable where I am literally crying.
I then feel so guilty that I am not working and how that makes me look or how I think that people are judging me for not being able to just carry this baby without issue. I constantly trip over the guilt of having to take my codeine tablets and how it could be affecting my little babe.
I feel tired during the day and its not like I can get out for a walk with the dog for fresh air, just getting William from School has become a chore and I am so grateful for all the help I have been offered because I do need it and for me to say ” I need help” well that’s something in itself, because I have never been good at asking or accepting.
But here’s the positives from my week, because I am not going to sink to dwelling point, not for William, Robert or this little babe. And I have been so grateful to my lovely hubby who has made small gesture to cheer me up.
♥ I started my blog which has inspired me and kept me sane.
♥ I have started making smoothies to help both my husband and I. Robert suffers from Crohns, although he can control the flare up its the arthritis and low immune system that gets him, so now I’m using my spare time to be creative with smoothies and help him and myself combat and improve joint care. (I will probably put a new blog up in the next few days on the subject).
♥ I’m able to focus on William and have time with him before the little babe comes, even if it’s snuggled in my bed watching Netflix or he chats to me while I’m in the bath about his day and we play silly games like eye spy but its all precious moments for me.
So yes, not the best week and I so wish I can find some relief but still plenty to focus on and be grateful for and for some reason that need to keep positive, has left me feeling very inspired and its weirdly acting as a good source of happy for my mind!
Love Laura xoxox