So as you will know from reading about me, I fell pregnant with my second child in October 2017 and I am due in June.
This is a blog to be able to share and say out loud my thoughts and feelings of the past 7 months.
I suffered from the off with morning sickness, although as most will know this is not confined to the morning. Mine was in fact in the late afternoon and early evening and made making my families dinner almost impossible. I tried 3 different types of anti-sickness tablets before finally finding one that worked for me. This needless to say felt like it wold never end and I was very lucky to have the support of my husband and family, who would take care of William for me when I would get home from work and the school run and could do nothing but lay down in a whirling mess.
I was one of the lucky ones though as at around 20 weeks the sickness subsided and I started to feel more myself and in control, I was ready to get to enjoying this long-awaited pregnancy but alas this was not to be the end of the complications!
On the 24th week of my pregnancy I started to notice pressure and discomfort in my pelvic and nether region! After a couple of weeks and it getting worse, one evening Robert came home to find me laying in bed and crying with pain. That evening I phoned the triage department of my local hospital and was diagnosed with SPD (Symphysis pubis dysfunction) this I was told is where during pregnancy, swelling and pain can make the symphysis pubis joint less stable and they weren’t joking about the pain.
I was given a course of codeine to take of 60mg at night to help and instructed to see a physiotherapist. So March, right on the day the snow fell like never before I was booked in. I was told that due to the SPD my right hip and side of my pelvis was sitting slightly higher than the left and would require some manipulation, followed by exercises at home to help. I was also provided with a belt to help keep the pelvis together and lessen the movement along with crutches. So I left in the snow on my crutches!!!!
Since March I have continued with normal life of work, school run, housework, shopping, outings for William etc. And I have just about been getting by, the evenings have been the worst during this journey of the pregnancy and sleep has been more and more difficult. However it has only been getting worse, which I was informed of and there of course is no fix until the baby arrives!
We now come to week 31 of my pregnancy and sleep has all but gone out of the window, after finishing work and the school run, I return home, sore and barely able to walk. I get William his tea, sort his bath, help with his home work and then collapse in pain and despair, looking at another sleepiness night and another day of the same pattern.
And then after two nights of pain, I all but fall on the stairs to excruciating pain and I can’t stand on my right leg. I spend that night laying in agony until 4:30am when I manage a few hours sleep followed by another school run and work. I revisit triage only to add sciatica to the problem. I am then warned, “enough is enough” I need to stop work and come off my feet.
So this is where I am now…..
The weekend before another week begins, I’m left with the guilt of “Why can’t I get this pregnancy right” “How will I tell work” “Why did I push myself, what if it affects the baby” “I don’t want William to see his mama not strong.”
I struggle to ask for help and I carry guilt and anxiety if I can’t work or do all the things I feel I should for my family. Finding a balance in life as a mother is something I am still trying to master everyday.
But I am left with this quote in my mind…
“Motherhood is always an act of courage” – Stacy Schiff